Your Friends- A Karmic explanation

Friends- Friends are Gods gift to everyone. They are the people we get in trouble with, the people we tell our weirdness to, and the people who… we actually like. 

Karma- “What goes around comes around.” “Karma’s a bitch, but only if you are.” “Let’s go to club Karma tonight.”

..Ok, maybe not that last one.

 Anyways, Karma is the intangible energy that is said to determine what happens to us. If you don’t believe in karma specifically, then let’s just call it an “earned circumstance.”  There’s no arguing with the fact that people bring things upon themselves- that’s where karma comes in. No matter what you call it, karma comes in to play in many (if not all?) aspects of our lives. If someone is a wonderful person, then usually an abundance of good things happening to them (those lucky, awesome people!). And if that person isn’t you, then get on the sweetheart train and gain yourself some good karma. We all have karma, and it affects us. On a specific note, our karma impacts the friends that we have.

There’s a saying that goes like this, “if you want to know who you are, take a look at your friends.” Think about your friends. Who are they? How do they treat others? What kind of people are they? People are attracted to people who are similar to them. If you wonder what kind of person you are, just think about what kind of people your friends are. For instance, if you are friends with all the “drama” girls (if this is so, you probably don’t know it and thus this is pointless for you, unfortunately)- BUT if you are friends with them, then you are probably one of them too. But if you think your friends have good character and tend to do right by people- then congrats, you are probably that way too.

In a concluding statement its fun to realize that your unique and special friends are a great indicator of what kind of person you actually are. Ya dig? ;)

Cheers to Karma and better yet, to good friends. 

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My Philosophy- Quotes I Live By

Here is a short compilation of some of my very favorite quotes. When in doubt, there’s always a quote. 

“Everything in moderation- including moderation.” –Benjamin Franklin

“Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company.” –Mark Twain

“Never be afraid to fall in love. It’s the only thing that matters in life. You just go and fall in love with as many things as you can.” –Gweneth Paltrow, Country Strong

“Forgiveness is the scent a flower leaves on a shoe that has crushed it.” –Mark Twain

“Barbie wants to be me.” (Ok, this one doesn’t really go with the others, but it doesn’t make it any less true- Now back to the philosophical stuff) ;)

“You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” –C.S Lewis

“I want to put a ding in the universe.” –Steve Jobs

“The right thing to do and the hard thing to do are usually the same thing.” -Abraham Lincoln

“No matter where you are, there you are.”

“Think about this- a single candle can light an infinite amount of other candles without losing any of it’s light.”

“When we see persons of worth, we should think of equaling them. When we see persons of contrary character, we should look inward and examine ourselves.” –Confucious

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” –The Dalai Lama

“Great spirits have always experienced violent opposition from mediocre minds.” –Albert Einstein

“Be careful who you pretend to be, because you are what you pretend to be.” –Kurt Vonnegut

There’s my list. Got any that you think I missed? If so, leave your girl (me) a comment.

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How Psychology Breeds Empathy

How Psychology Breeds Empathy

Empathy. Arguably the most important human emotion, empathy is what enables human beings (and I’m assuming animals too) to connect. If it weren’t for empathy, there would be no friendship, love, forgiveness, or human connection. It is empathy that is the most basic driving force of our world. If it was not for empathy, would there really be a point to anything? No way.

Now psychology is a whole different subject. In a nutshell, psychology is the study of the mind and its causal relationship with human behavior. So how does learning basic psychology create empathy?

Psychology has taught me to really look into people instead of just judging them by what they say or do. What people say and do is a cause and effect that has everything to do with what’s going on upstairs ie: their mind. Everyone has a unique experience that shapes their views and behavior. No one can truly walk in another’s shoes, but psychology teaches us to acknowledge those “shoes” (or barefeet if you’re into that sort of thing) and understand that individual human experience is filled with so many external factors that affect a person- for life. Here’s a basic example- People tend to be politically aligned with their parents political values. I am a liberal, because my parents are liberal. But I can bet you a million dollars (that I’m definitely not good for) that if I was raised by conservative parents, that I too, would be conservative. Unfortunately, it would be impossible to test that theory- unless cloning was ethical, and I’m pretty sure society is still strongly against the notion.  A more intense example is when people are born into a families with extremist views, whether it be religious, social, or political. In these upbringing situations, it is typical for people born into it to follow those views- I mean why wouldn’t they, it’s all the know. When we say we “hate” the people with opposing or even extreme views, it’s ignorant. It shows a lack of understanding for the basic process that forms a person into what they are. “The power of choice” is the argument against this. The power of choice argument is this-“We all have the power to choose to do right.” Well, the problem with that is people are raised to believe different “rights.”  There is no one source that explains exactly what is right, and even if there was one, it’s unique independence would not guarantee its validity.

People’s lives are half chance and half genetics-and neither one of those things are something you can choose. People are just here, and they didn’t ask for the cards they were dealt. It’s just a big game of chance.  Some people are simply born with the gene that creates weak character or a tendency to conform, whilst others are born to be what society would see as a hero.  No one really has a total control of who they are because so much of who they are was already there before they were born, and then another large portion was created by their surroundings.  But of course, we are not a hundred percent determined by these things, so if it is within your capacity- choose empathy, for it will serve you and everyone else far greater.

Prints- A Poem

This is a poem I wrote after a hard day. The purpose of the poem is to deliver a lighthearted message about how we all leave an impression on this world, and how we all have a choice as to what it is that we leave.

 “Prints”

steps crinkling the fall leaves

a depression in the wet cement

white pawprints on the gray street

a fingertip dipped in candle wax

an owls steps on a snowy branch

handprints in the sand

from a young girls handstand

the sound of heels clicking

someone, anyone, running

warm breath on a wintery window

a childs fingerprint in a piece of plato

a flower petal plucked

a red kiss mark on a lucky cheek

wherever we go, prints

make your mark.

Learn From MY Mistakes

To make an accurate account of all of my mistakes, I would have to write a seriously dense memoir. But, since I’m just your friendly neighborhood blogger, here is a lighthearted account of just a few things that I now know to do differently. It’s like my mom always says, “Every lesson I’ve ever learned, I’ve learned the hard way.” I like to think that I have had a similar experience, and for that, I am proud ;)

Here is my list-

12. I’ve noticed a backwards fact about people- When you resist someone, you draw them to yourself. When you chase someone, (hopefully we are mutually thinking in hypotheticals) they run away. The key I’ve finally noticed is to remain pleasantly indifferent. There hasn’t been a single time in my life that chasing a person for attention has ever gained me anything more than hilarious stories of rejection to tell my friends.

11. Sigh. I have learned from previous mooching/carelessness to respect my roommate’s things. I’ve learned that if you don’t respect their things, that they will most certainly resent you- and their feeling will be justified.

10. Try, try, and try again to only speak well of others. In most of the instances where I have bad-mouthed someone, it usually meant that I had an inadequacy I was not addressing. When I concentrate on eliminating shit-talk from my mouth I like to think of it (in the vast realm that is Karma) as one less negative thing said about me.

9. Quick Fact- I spent my whole life until last year having terrible posture. I didn’t just slump, I was the girl who walked with her head towards the ground, eyes down, and her entire body crouched inward. I don’t know what changed, but sometime randomly in the scheme of things I slowly began carrying myself proudly. Now, instead of just walking, I have a little swag, just a little, but dammit it feels pretty good. It definitely feels better than gazing into the depths of the ever mysterious…sidewalk.

8. If you don’t find it too nauseating, take baths with candles. I can’t BELIEVE I went twenty years without ever trying it. Now, i’m the candle queen and the bathtub is my castle. There is nothing more soothing than laying around with those dim, musky smelling candles burning in my peripheral.

7. If you notice yourself saying things like, “I need to work out” or “I feel like I look fat,” then it is time to get to the gym. Last semester I was 10 pounds too heavy, and sure, in the grand scheme of life, what is 10 pounds really? Well, to me it was more than I was comfortable to look at. I started referring to myself as “thick” and after months of complaining and trying to conceal my fluffier places, I started working out.  Oh and by the way, for any of you who aren’t afraid to experience hell on earth, I recommend the Stair Master. If that’s too intense, the elliptical aka: old faithful, is always close by :)

6. If you are in a relationship where your significant other hates all of your friends, run away as fast as you can and don’t look back. It means they want you all to themselves, and not in a good way.

5. Resist the urge to ask others what they think of you. It only makes you look like you don’t know who you are, and gives others an open window to voice opinions that may impact your view of yourself. As the saying goes, “What others think of you is none of your business.”

4. I spent way too long eating too much, for lack of a better word, shit. I say “shit” by the way,  because I despise the word “junk.”  Anyway, It is true that we are composed of what we have eaten, and I recently decided that I don’t want to be made of a combination of cheeseburgers, pizza, and fried chicken wings, just to name a few. Now, I take pride in ordering my sandwich from Subway on whole wheat bread. Would you like mayonnaise on that? Nah, i’ll take the light mayo. Jalapenos? Hell no, too damn spicy.

3. When someone befriends you and you notice that they go through friends like money flying out of Lil Waynes hands at the stripclub, then don’t give that person much of your energy. In the end, which will not be far from the beginning, it will leave you with one less friend.

2. Procrastinating on homework assignments usually turns out fine. Procrastinating on things like calling your grandparents, meeting up with a dear friend, and mailing an important letter, usually end up with someone feeling let down by you. Too many birthdays have I failed to mail a simple card. This is one mistake, I can’t laugh about.

1. Lastly, I leave you with this- Do not tolerate anyone who is reckless with your heart, for It is without a doubt the most precious commodity you have <3

How Genetics Play into your “Type”

“He’s justttt not my type.”

We’ve all heard it before. We’ve all said it before. We’ve all had someone say it about us. “That person is just not my type.”

Fact- “Types” aren’t just a reflection of your opposite sexed parent, (For those of you who are unfamiliar with the theory, apparently we are attracted to those who favor our different-gendered parent, but that’s a whole different story). According to basic sexual psychology, people are attracted to certain characteristics based on their genetic makeup. Ever heard of the 1-10 scale, as in “He”s a 10″ or “Damn, she’s one hell of a 5?” Ranking people on a scale of 1-10 sounds pretty superficial. I mean come on, beauty is on the inside. This is true, except when it’s not. It’s a fact that people have a tendency to be attracted to the same number on the scale as they themselves are ranked. For example, a 3 could look at another 3 and think they are the sexiest thing walking on two legs. A 3 on the other hand could look at an 8 and see nothing special. See, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.

Another fact is that people with opposite immune systems are attracted to each-other. What I mean is, people are attracted to those with different genes as themselves in relation to disease. This enables their young to have a wider variety of disease controlling gene variation- and thus, a better chance for survival. The goal of sex (from an evolutionary perspective) is to create healthy children to continue the generation. So, if you’re ever wondering why you have a chemical attraction to someone whose totally wrong for you, well it’s because of your genes. A good way to tell if someone is genetically good for you is first and foremost if you are attracted to them. Secondly, once you have a chance to get close, get a good whiff of their natural scent. If you find their natural scent intoxicating, then it means your genes do too.

Ah the world of genetics is dense and interwoven- Our genes have such an effect on our “Type” and most are unaware of it- But that’s what’s cool about genetics and love- it’s hard to tell where one starts and the other ends.

Why Breakups are Harder for Men

We’ve all been there- Breakups SUCK.

For those of us who haven’t endured the all-encompassing and soul crushing pain that is a breakup, well I’m sure your time will come. A serious breakup brings about a nagging pain that is, according to psychological study, comparable to seeing someone you love die.

We have also witnessed the friend who is going through a breakup. When a woman endures a breakup, typical behavior is as follows: Lots of food or a lack of it, sad movies, lots of distractions that don’t really distract, as well as tons of talking to their friends and of course, crying. Men on the other hand (in a typical situation) tend to do one of a few things a) attempt to sleep around, b) act as if they are totally fine or c) act reclusive. Quick question-Can you picture guys actually crying on their friends shoulders and verbally expressing their  *GASP* ….feelings?

The answer is NO.

 

So why are breakups harder for men? It’s simple, really. It’s because it is not socially acceptable for a man in this country to talk openly about his feelings. When a man is in a relationship, it is his girlfriend aka:  his sweet lil wifey,  that is his emotional outlet, not his dude friends. All girls know that men tell us things that they wouldn’t dare tell anyone else. Us ladies, on the other hand, have seemingly endless “girlfriends,” overly attentive acquaintances , and basically an understanding public to talk to about the breakup or….just about anything for that matter. Women are free to express, whereas men tend keep things locked in- until he finds a new girlfriend of course, in which potential for  pain lies ahead once again.

This brings me to my final point- The moment a guy begins to try and move on he is seen as an “asshole” or a “player.” Actually, this process of labeling all ex-boyfriends (and current boyfriends) as assholes pretty much starts when the relationship starts get bumpy. Men are constantly labeled as jerks during a relationship and after continuously after a breakup. HELLO, it’s not just his fault. But of course, society sees women as the weaker sex, so the blame is placed on men for the problems…But you probably aren’t reading this article to hear my views on gender equality- so let’s move on.

 

In a conclusive statement-  Breakups are not only hard for the person who we actually see moping, aka: the female.  The ex boyfriend who is an “asshole” or a “jerk” is just another person going through a breakup- and dealing with it in the only way that’s socially acceptable in America.

 

While we wait for society to advance, Here’s a pic to reinforce my article-

What i’ve learned from “Why Men Love Bitches.”

Just to clarify as if it isn’t already obvious enough- This article is mostly for the ladies.

..and any curious fellas.

What is “Why Men Love Bitches?” If you have not heard of it, well here’s what you need to know; “Why Men Love Bitches” is a relationship self-help book. The book recently came into my grasp because a friend of a friend said it “changed her life,” and that she now has men eating out of the palm of her hand.

Naturally, I bought the book.

But this article isn’t a review, it’s a helpful relationship how-to for the girls of the world who a) read my blog and b) want to the key to better relationships with men. That key my friends, is self-respect.

Let’s face it, young men have boundless options. From the typical desperate girl, to the girl who acts as if she loves sex as much as any man, the competition is everywhere. With all this competition it’s sometimes hard to try and set oneself apart in an obvious manner besides looking gorgeous and acting cool. But besides those obvious things, one thing to focus on to set yourself apart is your demeanor. If you act like you know you are a catch, and don’t jump at an opportunity to talk to a guy, then you are already ahead- because plenty of girls are just way too eager- I myself have been guilty of this too, unfortunately. The book explains that it is not the most beautiful or exceptional girls who get all the guys. It is the girls who are truly confident in who they are that get all the men. If a woman is not afraid to lose a man, a man is appalled, and his interest is peaked. The reason for this is because men are hunters. There is no arguing with the fact that men thrive on competition and things become more valuable when they have to work for them. The same goes for the women they choose! You could be the most beautiful, sexy, and intelligent dame in your town, but if you show him your affections too easily, then what has he really won? A man has to feel as if he has earned it to make it worth it.

It all makes sense, doesn’t it?

So, in conclusion, if you want to have an edge when attracting all the fine men around,  then you have to believe that you are the best. You can show him that by being a prize to be won, and expecting to be treated with respect. Or, if that’s still not enough, go pick up a copy of “Why Men Love Bitches.” It will change your life. ;)

And remember…None of this:

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I wish you all of you the greatest self-respect and love.

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Why We Like Some People, And Dislike others

We all know the feeling. When being around someone for the first time it takes no time to form an opinion. Once around someone for an extended amount of time, that opinion is inevitable and too often completely clouds our vision of the person in front of us. It’s a familiar concept and a fact of human nature.

Have you ever wondered why we like who we do- and dislike others? The reason just so happens to be more complex than “I just don’t like her,” or, “He’s such a douche.”

The reason is You. People are self-centered creatures, and it’s a fact that we think about our own selves almost constantly. Therefore, it only makes sense that the reason we like and dislike is based upon ourselves.

The short answer is that all people are Mirrors. When people look into the faces of others, they see the most amazing thing that has ever been upon them- they see Themselves. People reflect back on each-other and it is what they see in themselves that has the final say on whether they choose to like someone or not. For instance, “The Douche-Bag-Guy,” is a character that we are all familiar with. He is probably strong, he is decently or extremely good-looking, and he is way too proud of all of it. People don’t hate this person because he is overly confident, they hate this person because he doesn’t appear to care at all about what you think. Basically this person makes us feel like we are somehow not cool enough for his attention -And this bothers us so much because we know we a) worth his attention, and b) probably way smarter and cooler than he actually is.

And just the way he reflects on us, we reflect back on him. Keeping in touch with the way others perceive our behavior is a good way to ensure that we are making positive reflections, if you’re into that sort of thing-aka: making people feel good when they are around you.

The thing to remember is that our own insecurities are what cause us to form opinions about people. Some people run with a lesser crowd because it makes them feel as if they are “better.” Some hate the extremely competent individual because the competent person reflects one’s own incompetence back. Some hate the universally liked person because they themselves do not have the energy or heart to achieve that like-ability.

In closing, it’s good to take a step back when judging others. People are mirrors and we all give and receive reflections. If we consciously acknowledge why we feel the way we feel, it is easier to understand others and ourselves. And with understanding, comes friendship.

Relationship Patterns-Explained

Relationship Patterns-Explained

(This information has been validated by psychological study and is based in part on a lecture heard by one of the ETSU Counseling Staff)

Does it ever feel like you are dating the same person over and over again? 

Relationship patterns are something that all of us have. Whether you are the one who is always dumped, or you are the one who is always adored- There is a pattern. These patterns are not random. They have an origin, and that origin is your parents.

But wait, this isn’t some article that repeats the tired argument that you will have a relationship that mirrors your parents. This article aims to explain HOW our actual relationship patterns develop.

Here’s the answer- Our relationship patterns begin when we are young babies/children. The way one’s parent’s treat you has an enormous effect on the way people behave in relationships. People repeat these patterns as they age because these patterns are WHAT IS COMFORTABLE. For example- I have a friend whose parents absolutely adored her to the point of worship all throughout her life. Can you guess what her boyfriends treat her like? You got it- They ALL practically worship the ground she walks on. This fact for my lucky friend is based upon the way her parents treated her. She subconsciously expects to be treated as if she is a queen- and everyone does. The same goes for people who are treated “like shit.” They have grown so used to being treated that way that they expect the treatment and thus, receive it.

Here’s a section for the people who are unhappy with their pattern. This should shed a little enlightenment on your situation. This interesting and unexpected fact holds true- Most people mirror the relationship that they wish was better with one of their parents (or both). For instance, if one or both of your parents didn’t give you the attention you wanted, then there’s a large chance that you are repeating this pattern in your other relationships. Also just for clarification- This article in no way aims to blame parent’s on people’s relationship problems. It is merely meant to shed light on why people love/are loved the way they do.

So, if you are used to being treated less that desirably, even if you hate it, then it is wise to address the origin of the pattern- and then make the change. There is no way to go back in time and change the way your perceived treatment was, but one can address the origin and take the leap out of their comfort zone to better relationships. For those of you who already have it all figured out, props.

I wish you luck in all of your relationships!

Here’s what Dave Chappelle has to say- ;)