(This information has been validated by psychological study and is based in part on a lecture heard by one of the ETSU Counseling Staff)
Does it ever feel like you are dating the same person over and over again?
Relationship patterns are something that all of us have. Whether you are the one who is always dumped, or you are the one who is always adored- There is a pattern. These patterns are not random. They have an origin, and that origin is your parents.
But wait, this isn’t some article that repeats the tired argument that you will have a relationship that mirrors your parents. This article aims to explain HOW our actual relationship patterns develop.
Here’s the answer- Our relationship patterns begin when we are young babies/children. The way one’s parent’s treat you has an enormous effect on the way people behave in relationships. People repeat these patterns as they age because these patterns are WHAT IS COMFORTABLE. For example- I have a friend whose parents absolutely adored her to the point of worship all throughout her life. Can you guess what her boyfriends treat her like? You got it- They ALL practically worship the ground she walks on. This fact for my lucky friend is based upon the way her parents treated her. She subconsciously expects to be treated as if she is a queen- and everyone does. The same goes for people who are treated “like shit.” They have grown so used to being treated that way that they expect the treatment and thus, receive it.
Here’s a section for the people who are unhappy with their pattern. This should shed a little enlightenment on your situation. This interesting and unexpected fact holds true- Most people mirror the relationship that they wish was better with one of their parents (or both). For instance, if one or both of your parents didn’t give you the attention you wanted, then there’s a large chance that you are repeating this pattern in your other relationships. Also just for clarification- This article in no way aims to blame parent’s on people’s relationship problems. It is merely meant to shed light on why people love/are loved the way they do.
So, if you are used to being treated less that desirably, even if you hate it, then it is wise to address the origin of the pattern- and then make the change. There is no way to go back in time and change the way your perceived treatment was, but one can address the origin and take the leap out of their comfort zone to better relationships. For those of you who already have it all figured out, props.
I wish you luck in all of your relationships!
Here’s what Dave Chappelle has to say- ;)